I’m currently reading a book called “You’re not lost” by Maxie McCoy. It’s an “inspired action plan for finding your own way” and it has exercises in it to help you figure out what you want in life. What brings you energy, what lights your fire, all of that. One of the exercises I did today was call (text) ((Snapchat)) a friend and ask her what my future smells like. (the book acknowledged what a strange ask this was and also promised I’d want to hear the answer. I did.) Here’s what she said:
Coffee. Coming home and turning on the light.
I don’t know if I’ve ever said this out loud, but coffee is one of the most comforting scents for me. It’s cozy and it feels like home. My first cup of coffee in Sri Lanka, after months of going without, brought me to literal tears. “Hot coffee” is listed as something I’m grateful for almost every single morning in my journal (especially when I’m journaling before work). It is the thing that helped me bond with my coworkers, and I treasure our coffee runs as a chance to stretch, catch up, laugh. It has helped me build relationships with my friends’ parents, my own parents, people I encounter once and will never see again. The idea of my future smelling like coffee fills me with warmth – that’s the future I’ve always dreamed of.
I have spent the majority of this year feeling very lost (hence the book). I am in the middle of the wilderness, wandering in circles, and getting very tired. It’s been all I can do to keep moving forward and I’ve often felt like I’ll never find my way home. But I can see it now, just ahead of me. I had to walk a lot farther than I wanted, but I’m making it home. I am coming home to myself. There’s a pot of coffee on.
My word for 2020 is found. I have found myself (through a lot of hurt and a lot of therapy) (this is a work in progress), I have found my people (through a lot of trial and error) and I am well on my way to finding what energizes me, what I want my career and relationships and life to look like (this will be a more ongoing project). I have been cherished and encouraged and chosen. This feeling of “lost” might not go away the second the calendars flip to January 1, but dwelling in it certainly will.
2020 is going to be a big year. I can feel it. The earth is shifting, getting us ready for a new year, a new decade, a new outlook. It is brimming with opportunity and hope and healing. I can’t wait to see what it has in store.
What’s your word for 2020? It can be a resolution, a reminder, a promise – what are you taking into this new decade? What are you leaving in 2019?How can I support you along the way?
Linneah Tovstiga 